Choosing the Right Window

Last night I got a pretty stark look at my life thus far.  It's not that there were any surprises, there weren't but I hadn't really taken in all the areas at once.  It wasn't a pretty picture.  This morning I woke up feeling rather depressed and pathetic as a human being because every area of my life was basically a disaster.  At least that's how it seemed.

I'm climbing out a financial hole that is pretty significant, my job keeps me so busy that if I actually got as much rest as I should all I would do is work and sleep, my relationships with family, friends and lovers hasn't always been very good.  In fact, there was a time when I had no friends, my family wasn't talking to me and I was isolated in an abusive relationship.  My physical fitness is not what it should be and often I struggle to eat properly and get enough rest to a great degree because of my job.  As I said, not a pretty picture.

But is it really all that bad?  It's true that financially I'm not anywhere near where I'd like to be but I'm significantly better off than I was a year ago.  Now I can support myself, pay all my bills, put money aside for emergencies, save for a vacation and actually have some fun and go shopping once in a while.  Financially I haven't been this well off in about 10 years, that's improvement. My job does dominate my life and I need to take care of that, but I can do that.  I now have a good idea of which direction I need to go and I am taking steps right now to fix that aspect of my life.

In terms of my relationships, the relationship with my family is somewhat troubling and probably always will be but I am learning to negotiate it better and I expect that will continue.  My romantic life is currently without prospect but all things considered that's really a good thing right now.  Historically speaking I picked men who really weren't capable of love and my last relationship was emotionally and financially abusive.  The last thing I need is to be involved with someone else before I work out the impact of this last relationship on my life and on my self so I consider being single a definite blessing at the moment.  As for my friendships, this area of my life has truly blossomed and I am blessed with the dearest, most supportive friends anyone could ever want.  They love and care about me, they share in my victories and give comfort with my sorrows. We laugh together, we cry together and there isn't one of them I couldn't turn to at any time for a hug or a caring word.  Considering the fact that I didn't have many friends all that long ago and the one's I did have I kept at a distance this too is a distinct improvement.

In terms of my physical health there's a lot of work to be done here.  However, in the last year alone I lost 60 pounds just by changing how I ate and walking every single day.  Since I took this position eating has become a hit and miss proposition and because I eat at meetings a lot my nutrition isn't all I want it to be, but I can fix that just by cooking meals for myself on the weekends and taking my lunch even to meetings; I can eat healthier.  Exercise is hard to fit in, but it too can be done.  I don't work late every night and if I am mindful of getting enough rest it's possible for me to wake up early enough to fit in at least a 2 mile walk every morning which helps control my stress and is good for my body.  When I don't work late I can run by one of the many gyms in my town and fit in some time for cross training which is my favorite way to exercise.  Getting enough rest is always a challenge with my schedule and if I want to spend any time with friends it means I cut my sleep short, but I can be mindful of how I schedule time with friends so that I'm not too tired each week and I get the benefit of hanging out with people I care about and who care about me.

It's easy when I look at all the bad decisions that I've made over the years and the place I find myself in now to feel totally defeated.  Both last night and this morning I felt like a complete failure, but I'm not.  Historically speaking I certainly didn't choose well for myself but that doesn't mean I have to continue doing so and when I worry that I might be taking a wrong turn I have people I can turn to for perspective and advice so I don't continue to make bad choices.  I often refer to how people view life as looking through a particular window.  The window you choose to look out of will determine the perspective you get on your life or on a situation, but it's a choice. 

This morning I was looking out the window of failure because that's all I could see, however my life is not a complete failure.  That doesn't mean there aren't things that need to be fixed, there are, and I will continue to work on them to the best of my ability but it also doesn't mean that my life is a complete disaster.  I have already made positive changes and when I choose a window that shows only defeat I can choose a window that includes my victories. When it comes to your life which window will you choose?