"You're Worth It"

This morning after my meditation I was peacefully relaxing, petting my cat and quietly reciting my gratitude list.  I added a new item to my list today, I'm grateful that I have been protected even when doing something completely stupid.  In the next breath the words "You're worth it" filled my being.  You're worth it, I've never felt that way.  Most of my life I have felt unworthy, unwanted, unloved and above all unacceptable.  The words took my breath away and while my head began wondering my heart was busy accepting.

There have been times in my life that have been extremely troubling and full of sorrow, it's true, but I wasn't thinking of those times.  I was thinking of times when I really could have been hurt physically, financially, emotionally in ways that I can't even begin to comprehend or was prepared to deal with when I was making those incredibly bad and, I'll say it, stupid choices but I wasn't hurt. I was protected.

The other day I was challenged on self-love and that challenge reminded me that while I grasp the concept of self-love intellectually I haven't been so good at implementing it. In order for self-love to occur I can't turn away from the things in my life that need to be fixed; instead I must turn towards them and face them head on with honesty and courage.  I have to open up to my shortcomings, accept them and then work to change them with all the love and patience a parent gives a small child.  In the process of transformation one must be both parent and child - providing the structure, guidance and understanding needed to create lasting change while at the same time being open to the structure, guidance and understanding and taking it all in with a solid dose of love and humor.

Far too often I have been an accomplice in my own destruction but, sadly, I think that's true for many people.  We are a punitive society that has unrealistically high expectations of ourselves and of others so it's hard to be loving and understanding when we find ourselves falling short of where we think we ought to be.  As I have said, I have a lot of work ahead of me but I can say, without doubt or fear that I am wrong, I'm worth it.  I'm worth the effort, I'm worth the love and forgiveness, I'm worth the humor and the support of my friends.  I'm worth it, so are we all.