The Gift of Being Human

I had a very interesting conversation with a friend recently.  He is an interesting guy and we've had our ups and downs for various reasons but all in all I really like and respect him.  He is the quintessential good Samaritan.  Having come from a military background he thinks nothing of putting his own life in danger to help others and does so on a regular basis.  This past weekend's good deed consisted of stopping a car jacking in progress, the weekend before was saving a man from choking to death at a community event.  He does these things without thought to himself only knowing that someone needs help and he is there to provide it.

Today he is going to the dentist for a somewhat painful procedure.  As expected he intends to take no time off from work to recover or to take any pain medication afterwards.  As we were finishing our conversation I told him if he happened to find himself having a human moment and needing to stay home I would I would happily endorse and support such a decision as it is important for him to take care of himself.  He looked at me with the saddest expression in his eyes and said to me, "I'm not human" and then he walked out the door.  I wanted to cry.

I so understand that comment "I'm not human."  I have tried to transcend humanity for most of my adult life, but we can't do it.  The attempt to ignore our humanity comes out of deep pain and is ultimately a rejection of ourselves because for whatever reason we find ourselves unacceptable as we are.  To compensate we strive for the unattainable, setting standards for ourselves that are beyond impossible to achieve and when we fail in the attempt we berate ourselves mercilessly picking up the tools of abuse that others have left behind and using them against ourselves.

Surrendering to my humanity has been an incredible struggle for me.  Being human makes me vulnerable, sometimes it hurts. It seems safer to deny the humanity within me, shut down and move forward pretending I am invulnerable, but in doing so I would commit my life to endless suffering.  Only through my precious human body am I able to experience enlightenment.  Only through my precious human body am I able to experience love, not just giving it but receiving it. Only through my precious human body am I open to all of the incredible experiences and moments of grace that this incarnation has to offer and missing it all would be a sorrowful tragedy.

Watching my friend struggle with his own humanity is a lesson for me, reminding me to hold on tightly to that which makes me human.  Vulnerability is a gift, openness is a gift as long as it is balanced and mindfully maintained.  The quest for perfection is a fruitless quest, I'll never achieve it, but not only can I attain humanness I can learn and understand the gifts that are an inherent part of it.  My dearest hope for my friend is that he can come to embrace his own humanity.  My dearest hope for myself is that I can continue to embrace my own humanity, loving it and cherishing it as the precious gift that it is.  As I was recently reminded pain is part of the human existence, there's no escaping it, but so is love, joy, Divine communion, growth and happiness.  These are the gifts of humanity and they are so very precious.