Who is in Control?

I've been having a lot of issues come up at work lately and I have to say, I haven't been handling them very well...at all.  I've gotten angry, felt betrayed, wanted revenge and was basically having a fit over the whole issue.  At the same time, I've also been working on some deep personal issues and in some ways my reaction to my work situation has been because I felt as though life should give me a little break while I got my personal baggage under control.  But that's not how it works because ultimately these aren't separate issues, they are connected and I have to experience them at the same time in order for the lessons to really come into fruition in my own consciousness.

I finally figured out that it doesn't really matter what happens at work.  Beyond the pragmatic details of needing a job in order to earn a living, the details of each day and each conflict do not matter.  They are simply the backdrop that these lessons play out on and each issue, each conflict is simply another opportunity for me to get the lesson and apply it.  That's all.  I really hate the phrase it's all about me, but in this case in it is all about me.  It is all about how I handle the situation, not what other people are doing.  Am I going to address it in the best way possible by remaining calm and not reacting?  Am I going to remember that I need to take a few deep, slow breaths before I respond so that I respond out of my highest awareness or am I going buy in to the details playing out in front of me and react to them?  Who is in control?  The choice is mine, I have the power decide and no one else.

I have been aware of this for a while now, but for some reason I wasn't yet able to apply it to my own situation.  I could talk about it, explain it and cognitively understand it but I couldn't live it.  Today I can live it and I think that is true only because I have been working very hard to connect to my core self and have only recently made a breakthrough.  Without a connection to my core self I had no ground to stand on, no personal connection with which to root myself.  I was without anchor and everything that happened around me would impact my decisions and reactions.  Last night it all came together all at once and I got it, the veritable "Ah hah!" moment.  It is all so simple.

So today I am going into a meeting which I don't anticipate will be set up by the people running it to be a good situation for me, but that's okay.  It doesn't have to be set up to be a good situation for me, I can create a situation that is good for me.  Understanding that the people running the meeting are operating a different level than I am means I can prepare to be at my absolute best for this meeting.  I am going home for lunch to meditate before the meeting and I will be meditating in small increments of time throughout the day to maintain a higher state of consciousness.  I will be breathing mindfully during each interaction with the people who are in conflict with me.  I will remember that love is the most powerful force on the planet and I will work not only to surround myself with love but will also surround the people I will be meeting with in love because I understand their nature and I can have compassion and understanding about that.