Sweet Surrender

So often when struggling with an issue I have difficulty figuring out when it is beneficial to keep struggling and when I should just let it go.  It's easy to get lost on the surface of the issue, focusing on the details of that particular struggle, wanting to control the perception that people will have of me in that situation, not wanting to give up short of a finish line that I'm just sure exists and above all wanting to do the right thing not just for myself but for everyone involved.  It becomes difficult to see the situation clearly and to make the best possible choice if you just look at the surface of the situation.

It's crucial to go beyond the details and get to the heart of the matter itself; to really understand our own motivations and inner workings as they are operating in the situation itself.  If we don't we'll never have a clear understanding of the situation and what we need to do to correct the problem in our own lives.  This past week has been a journey for me and I've had to do a lot of soul searching in order to understand what I need to do to make the situation better.

It's a process.  I had to identify that there was something wrong, a huge obstacle in the way of my happiness.  Then I had to break open to all the feelings associated with the situation because until I did that I wasn't even in touch with the feelings I had around the situation.  I had to let go of all the surface details because it doesn't really matter what happened or who did what to whom, what matters is the effect the situation is having on me, my son and my mental health.  Only then could I surrender and stop fighting myself and the people around me.  This isn't a fight I can win.  This isn't a struggle I have to engage in anymore and the truth of matter is I was making myself more miserable than the other people involved because I wasn't willing to acknowledge it.

Surrendering isn't giving up.  True surrender comes out of deep reflection and thought and acknowledges that the fight we are engaged in isn't in our best interest or the best interest of the people around us.  It acknowledges that there are losses we aren't willing to accumulate and that the best way to resolve the issue is to walk away with grace and dignity before we are hurt anymore or before we hurt anyone else.  When I could finally surrender it was the sweetest sensation.  Much of the pain and aggravation went away and that which didn't will recede with time.  The situation around me hasn't changed and it won't, that's why I have to surrender.  When we're stuck between an immovable force and an impossible situation the only person that can move is us.  So even though nothing has changed on the outside, everything is different on the inside.  I am not the same person engaged in this struggle.  Now, I am empowered to move myself out of it and on to something better for me.  I have to do it carefully and thoughtfully but at least now I know I have to do it, and that is the sweetest sensation of all.