You Can Do it Afraid

I remember the first time in my adult life that my mother said those words to me, "You can do it afraid."  I'm sure she said them to me a lot in my childhood because I remember that fear was not considered a reason not to do something, for the kids at least.  But as an adult she said it to me when I had to start walking without crutches after a very bad kneecap dislocation.  I was terrified, afraid it would hurt again, afraid I would dislocate it again, and that would hurt very badly, afraid that permanent damage had been done and I would never walk right again.  It didn't matter, in the middle of a busy parking lot she grabbed my crutches from me and made me walk to my car and I did it.  I did it afraid.

There have been many times in my life when fear has stopped me from doing something I really wanted to do or knew I needed to do.  Fear seems to be a colossal obstacle to overcome.  It looms large in our consciousness, it whispers poisonous thoughts into our head, "What if you fail?  What if you get hurt?  You'll never overcome that and everyone will know..."  But something I've learned over the years, whenever I've had to face something that generated fear inside of me, is that I am bigger than the fear.

Looked at logically, if the fear resides inside of me, then by definition I am bigger than it because something that is inside of me must be smaller than me to fit in that inner space.  From a neurological standpoint fear is a combination of chemical and physiological reactions generated by various parts of my brain and I'm bigger than that too.  Yes, it's true, the fear response in me is triggered by past experiences when I have been hurt before or when I have failed before, but they don't necessarily apply to the present situation.

Currently, in my life, I am preparing to go back to graduate school and get my Master's degree in Social Work.  It is the fulfillment of a lifelong dream to be able to have a career in which I get to be of service to people and my community.  As I was talking with a friend the other day, after my internship interview, it occurred to me that some of the pieces of my life I have dreamed about for many years are coming together. My first response, fear.  I have chosen an educational path that will have a very specific outcome.  No longer will I be relegated to clerical jobs that have little meaning for me and very little importance in the company I work for.  I will be changing lives, the decisions I make could have very serious outcomes for the families I work with, and I will no longer be able to justify not giving my all by saying to myself, "It doesn't matter, I'm just a secretary."  But this is what I want, this is what I have worked for and although I have fear over the journey I am about to take and the outcomes that lie in my future, I can do it afraid.


The other piece of my fear comes from the understanding that if I want to make drastic and positive change in my life, I can do it.  It's easy to sit and dream about doing something and then let the fear stop you, to give in to those treasonous messages in your brain that tell you you can't do it.  Then I get to see myself as weak and ineffective and I never actually have to do anything, it's an easy way to keep my life safe and small.  But I'm better than that, and eventually the little voice that has been playing counterpoint to my fear the whole time gets louder and louder and I begin to hear, "Of course you can do this.  Just try and maybe you will surprise yourself.  You are capable, intelligent and strong.  You have overcome fear far worse than this." and then a quiet little harmony comes in and I hear my mother's voice saying, "You can do it afraid." and I know I have no more excuses.

Over and over again we hear the messages that we are ineffective and powerless, but there are also messages out there that we are more powerful than we can ever imagine.  It's simply a matter of which messages we pay attention to, which window we choose to view the landscape of our lives, that determines what we are going to believe about ourselves and our abilities.  If there is something that calls to us over and over again but we are too afraid to do it we will never see the capacity we have to be effective in our lives and, ultimately, in the world.  We can accomplish our dreams, we can achieve success, we can have healthy and loving relationships, but we have to get past the fear.

I'm not saying it's easy, it's not.  It would be much easier to stay in my safe little world and never venture out, but I wouldn't be happy or fulfilled.  It certainly won't get me what I really want, health, financial stability and the relationship I am working to create.  If I want to create the life I dream of, I have to face my fear, I have to find the courage that waits inside of me, I have to do it afraid, and I HAVE to do it because deep down, in the most honest place inside of me, I know I can and to not do it is to betray the person I have come to know that I am.

So what is it that keeps you from doing the things you know will bring you happiness?  What are the insidious voices that feed your fear?  Listen to them and understand them and know that you are bigger than them.  No matter what shape your fear takes, that keeps you from taking the steps to a happier life, know that you are bigger than the fear inside of you.  And even though that won't make the fear go away, it's okay, because you can do it afraid.